Jeans

So here is what I ate today. In it's entirety.

1/2 cup plain oatmeal
1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
1/2 cup blueberries
approximately 25 chopped almonds
3/4 cup Oatmeal Squares cereal
1/2 cup plain non-fat Greek yogurt
1 tsp. Agave nectar
1/2 cup whole wheat pasta
1/3 cup pasta sauce
1 thinly sliced, baked organic chicken breast prepared with reduced fat Parmesan and bread crumbs
1 apple

I got up and did thirty minutes on the elliptical. I did lower body this afternoon. I ran for an additional 25 minutes when Ryan got home from work.

SO WHY ARE MY JEANS NOT FITTING ME?! This is how I live my life! It's not like this is some sort of new routine for me (well--I added in the running because I have never really encountered a fat runner, so I thought it might help.) Why is it that even though I am doing everything right, everything is going wrong?!

I have been particularly depressed about this today because of the jeans I wore. I specifically remember wearing them at an event last September. I hated them because they were so baggy and they felt as if they weren't going to stay on. Today, while I was able to zip them, it wasn't pretty and I was sporting a ridiculous muffin top. THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!

That doctor better be able to fix me on Friday, because if something doesn't change soon they are going to have to put me on suicide watch. I wish I could be content with the fact that I am healthy, but I have to admit, as shallow as it is, my entire self-esteem pretty much revolves around how I look. It's just not good.

But this chicken was.