Friday, July 30, 2010

Frustration and attempting acceptance

I hate going to the doctor for a multitude of reasons but one obvious one is their obsession with my weight. I mean, seriously, I could go into the doctor for a hangnail and they would still insist on weighing me. WHY? Why is it any of their business what I weigh?!

I went to the doctor today and gasped audibly when she moved that little thingy on the scale. I don't own a scale. I have found it very emotionally freeing to not know what I weigh. I don't want to know. And today I was plunged into the depths of a major depression when I saw those three little numbers. There is a good reason to not own a scale. Scale = Suicide Watch for Lindsay

The cold hard facts are I have gained weight. I knew my clothes weren't fitting like they used to. The frustrating thing is I have NO IDEA WHY. I work out consistently, twice a day. I eat right. I am very active.

I am trying hard to be accepting of the fact that I am healthy and that is all that matters. But WHY?! My only thought is that as I get older, my metabolism is naturally slowing so I need to up my intensity. Which believe me, after today's near heart attack at the doctor's office, I will have no problem doing.

By the way, sorry I haven't posted in a while--I have been sick all week. And now I'm depressed. :(


We are Ben and Rebecca said...

I haven't been to the doctor since my 6 week for that purpose. I hate OTHER people knowing how much I weigh. Isn't that a woman's secret, kind of like her age?
I'll join your depression party, if you'll take me. For no apparent reason, too. Heck, I'm depressed hearing other people are. Must be hormones.

Priscilla said...

Lindsay, you honestly shouldn't worry about the numbers. (Trust me, I know all too well it's easier said than done.) You look amazing and I can't imagine you any thinner, and still healthy. You're doing everything right, and I definitely think there's truth to the change in metabolism thing.

I have gone through the same thing, and there are times when I have a hard time letting go of what the scale says. It's very frustrating when you work out as much as we do and you still don't see the weight you would like. When I first went through my major weightloss 4 years ago, I was weighing on an older scale and had gotten down into the 'teens', according to that scale, where I remained happily for several years. When we upgraded to a digital scale about 8 months ago, it said I weighed 7 pounds more than I thought! And since I've been training for the marathon, over the past 6 months, according to said scale, I've actually gained another 6 pounds! Huh??? I've been obsessed with that number ever since, and I even ordered a book (which I have already read and started implementing) called "The Runner's Diet". I figure, I can't excercise any more than I do, so I must need to change how I eat. The weird thing is, the last couple of Sundays at church I've gotten comments from people telling me how thin I look, but I still feel fat. :(

So, I can see where you're coming from, but from an outsider looking in, you're doing great, looking great and hopefully you feel great...and that's what matters.

torchy said...

I felt liberated the day I learned (from a nurse/friend)I could always refuse a weigh-in. A simple, "No thanks, not today!" works fine. (Or you can be clever, cute, and witty.) Try it; it works!

Kayla said...

Okay, how do you know if you gained weight if you never weigh yourself?

You look amazing, stop being so hard on yourself. (from rochelle and me)

torchy said...

You DO recall that muscle weighs more than fat? With all your training, you haven't gained weight ... you've gained muscle!